I go to therapy because it’s something I very much need. I am not gifted at being kind to myself. I have high expectations and push myself very hard. In that way, I am really really good at keeping myself depressed. I am the number one critic of Heidi. I either beat myself up or find excuses for every perceived flaw or mistake. I need my weekly therapy so that at least for 50 minutes each week, under professional supervision, I am kind to myself. Some weeks, that is the only 50 minutes that I am nice to Heidi. Even as I write this I’m thinking “that’s terrible! I should be nice to myself more often. Ugh, I’m so bad at being a person!” I kid you not. As I write about being mean to myself, I’m being mean to myself about being mean to myself. It’s a terrible habit and a vicious cycle that I’m trying real hard to break.
Going to therapy keeps me accountable and keeps me working toward my mental and emotional goals, the main one right now being self-care. I don’t think it’s for everyone, but I do think it helps me to have the weekly check-in, the professional guidance, and above all else, the kindness toward myself.